Dizzy

Very dizzy.. i wanted to go home.. but i cant.. i need to work..
i wanted to try staying at work at least one week.. not having any problem..
but why am i always having so many issue on my health.. i am already very health concious..
Dad is not free to fetch me.. i have to wait for my brother till very late hour... i wish to ask dear dear.. but i dont wan to disturb..
words seems cant describe how uncomfortable i am now..
my head.. its very uncomfortable.. i seems like wanting to vomit
i close my eyes.. i cant fall asleep.. i just can feel that its so dizzy..
Worry of myself. .. god please.. i have too many things wish to do in my life and i have no chance to achieve it yet.. i wanted to go japan.. its my dream place.. i wanted to get marry and have my own house and family.. i want my own child.. i wan to be with my love one till my hair grow grey..
what is going on with me..

Missed it

Aiks, felt slightly uncomfortable cause i missed the designing chance.
something that i wish to do but i missed the chance.
its so hard to describe the feelings of disappointment.
what can i do? though is unhappy but i am surely that i need to force myself to let go the glass from my hand or else its gonna stress me up.
its really .......

New from 0

new from 0Routers, IOS switch, DAPC, UPSi have no idea what is all this about. i have heard of the terms somewhere some how but i have no idea how it works. no one teach me, no one is going to spoon mouth me and what i can do is google and wikipedia. start to learn everything new from 0 by myself. it like you are starting your college life all over again. there is certain difficulties as no one understand and know what am i doing, they dont know what is my pressure.they dont know i am doing something that i have not learn and have no knowledge to it at all. forget bout it, i guess this is normal because people always sees things from the appearance only. to some people first impression determines their perception towards a person and same concept applys to what they sees when you are doing something that already gives them a perception. Even though they only see as an outsider and not the one that knows everything from head to toe then they already gives the judgement to it. Try tell others bout this , you will get such reply as.. " well , its commond what, isnt?". It sounds so frustrated that people just dont understand. In fact, what can you do?trying to change how other think? its hard but possible. Many people just got many emotion problem like depression and mental issue when they just cant figure out a way.I choose a better way,山不转就人转吧. Instead of wanting them not to think that way, i choose to concentrate on what i think i have or i should do right now. Ignoring other's is not easy but its not a bad option. Of coz, i cant do that in one day. Obviously, it has been struggling for sometime to figure out this conclusion. i might fail this mission anytime but i guess i have to fill my time fully. I can see that my boss sees me as a Network Idiot. Thanks god！！！！
I am learning.. learning hard in every single thing in my life... i have nothing special.. i am a not a soft gal, i talk loud and sometimes i am stupid in controling my emotion but what i have is i am just willing to learn. nothing more than that..

算了

她说她尝试告诉他，她的想法。很傻吧！都是过千百次，结果都是一样。这个男人根本就不管人家的感受，她又为什么一次又一次的去告诉他呢。得来的就只有失望的答案因为在他的眼中女人应该通情达理，不应该多多要求。其实，他只不过是不像在朋友面前出丑所以他根本不觉得他有不对的地方。就算他答应她，在他心里是“有又怎样？ ”。为什么，女朋友生病不重要。为什么不能让她觉得你在乎。为什么不能告诉朋友现在就走，你女朋友不再你朋友面前发难你不觉得她已经让步了吗？你懂吗？你有看到吗？她不舒服也迁就你，可是你却给的反应是如此的无奈。让人觉得失望。

她在想这些话是应该很激动吧，说真的她又能控制什么？就算他真的做事不顾她的感受，她又能怎样?这世界很多人应该都是这样的吧，而你都能接受。她不能接受他一次又一次的做了不顾她感受的时，很多东西都能让除了关于另一个女人的事才会令你根根于怀。
我们能做的又有多少？很多时候，没经历过时不会明白。他不明白爱人做了不顾感受的事是什么感受， 应该是因为他没试过八。
洋葱皮一层一层的撕，到肉时应该会让人难受。可是，不尝试过的人不会懂为什么一个普通的葱会让人自动流泪。

好难忍

今天， 又有故事了。
她真的无言，很不舒服可是也很失望。
身体不舒服是最弱的时候也是最需要关心的时候。
这时候如果还要因为他的不细心而忍让，真的很无言
女人很简单， 不舒服也很温柔的告诉他希望早点回家看医生。 其实，已经提示需要关心。
他却朋友的一句话，把不舒服的你放在最后。就算约定好早回也当没件事，先送朋友才载你去看医生。也没想看你明早要做工， 她觉得不被重视也不觉得他尊重你，答应了的事没做到。
很失望，不知失望变绝望会是怎样？ 应该好好地谈？
曾经式过用email, 当普通谈天的方式，凶方式，哭的方式，冷战的方式。又如何？
开始的太快，他从没让她觉得被assure 因为每次吵架时她想尽办法与他沟通。也试过气他说分手，换来的回答就只有一句“不合就分吧”。
人没有100分，感情也没有十全十美。事情发生时为什么不尝试解决或选择互相忍让好好地谈？
一句不合就分吧，让她觉得更无奈。 感情不是普通的游戏，就算凡事不用Extreme可是感情并不是你说合就一起， 不合就分手那么轻易。很多东西需要经历过才能达到共识，也许她只是希望被肯定。

Changes

Lunch gang is getting lesser and lesser people.
Everyone doesn't like the situation with their own team.
One by one is leaving, remaining 4 people but soon they will go as well.
Felt weird as changes is happening. Not sure how to adapt myself to it but I guess this is something I have to face in life.
Maybe I just missed the days where all of us is laughing and joking during our lunch.
Still remember when I was in my previous team, always longing for lunch time caused that will really give me a break and make me laugh no matter how hard and unhappy I am in my job.
All of them is really funny people.
Things change, though I wish it wouldn’t but I cant control. Everyone is moving on.
2 of them told me that they regret to leave but they have no choice because need to move on for new things and for better future. They have chosen the path and they have to adapt it no matter what.
I understand everything very well but my heart feels weird. I guess this is normal, everything takes time to be normalized.
Hope all of them the best in future. Missed the happy days.
i guess i am lucky to have such a good memory.
Life goes on. Everyone does that.

他们

那天听了一个他的故事。
他们7年自豪的感情，在结婚前3个星期做了一个令我预想不到的决定。
两年前，她因为工作必须留在别的州， 因此他们之间开始有距离。
他因为工作忙碌很少与她沟通，因此他们之间少了了解。
她在外地感到寂寞和苦闷，没人诉苦谈天可是她没告诉他。
他因为繁忙没告诉她工作预见的辛苦， 他们俩就因这样产生了问题可是并没察觉。
结婚前半年，他发现她有了另一个他。令他非常失落，他觉得很痛苦毕竟那是他们7 年的感情。他们终于讨论之间的问题。结果，她对他承诺不会再发生，而他决定原谅她。事情原以为已过一段落，可是结婚前3个星期他发现她偷偷的买了另一个电话与另一个他联络。当时的他脑袋一片空。请帖已分好了，酒席已经订好了，婚纱照也拍了。他们第二次讨论感情问题。他要她做出最后决定，两者间只能选其一。她让他知道她很想与他在一起，也让他知道为什么会发生这样的事。
他觉得他也有责任因为没有沟通，没让她了解他。他后悔以前没把心里话告诉她，让她觉得迷惑和空虚。大家把东西放在心底藏着才造成这样的局面。
当时的他觉得没有选择，因为婚礼已经落成了，他觉得他不年轻了，他觉得他很爱她不能没有她虽然她让他的心很疼。
就这样，他又选择与她继续下去。他们结婚了，她刚有了孩子。他说他现在很幸福， 没有后悔当初的决定可是伤痕永远都在。只要他想到他还会觉得痛， 他说裂缝永远都不会恢复。他永远都原谅不到她对他的欺骗与伤害。
男人总是把想法与心底话藏的很密，女人希望了解他时会觉得不知所措。
女人与他分享所有的东西时男人觉得反感，当女人不再告诉他而彼此的0沟通爆发种种问题时男人也许会醒觉沟通的重要可是会不会到无法挽回的地步没人能控制。男人的沉默女人觉得难以触摸， 久而久之女人会因此失去心中的归属感。
虽然听了会觉得，一段看起来很幸福美满的婚姻背后好像隐藏着一点破缝可是美中不足有时也有它的意义。
如果，她不让他痛他不会醒觉， 而她如果不反错就不会因内疚而清醒。
也许裂缝永远存在，可是如果把它看成彼此之间的Alert也不是件坏事。
人永远在变，变化如何由谁能定夺。